2003-10-19 - 11:07 p.m.

Joel Gets Married

They grow up so quickly.  When I worked at the bookstore many years ago we hired a beautiful Asian girl named Desiree.  She was amazing.  She was tall and slim and had perfect skin and a warm, friendly personality.  When she spoke to me she would reach out and touch my arm.  She has just graduated from high school and was going to work for us during the summer before she headed off to MIT.

One day one of her friends stopped by. His name was Joel.  He was 18 years old.  Desiree said we should hire him part time and Joel said he had always wanted to work in bookstore.  I found out later that all he really wanted to do was be around Desiree because he had a crush on her.

It was not long after we hired him that he and I and another guy went out after work to Waffle House for some late night eggs.  Every time the conversation and became interesting the other guy would derail or bring it to a halt.  At one point Joel and I looked at each other across the table and sort of exchanged an unspoken agreement.  We would try this again another time without the other guy.

We were amazed by each other and instantly understood each other.  We had the same frame of reference.  For him I was like the older brother he never had and for me it was like I had finally met the other half of my brain.  I have a lot of friends.  I have several very good friends, but Joel has been my most intimate friend.  He is extremely funny and sentimental and emotional at times.  We have that in common too.  I know I can trust him with anything.

He moved to North Carolina a few years ago for a few reasons.  One of the best reasons was to get away from his weird family.  After a few years, and many struggles, he met a woman named Anna.  They clicked right away and dated for a while. Then moved in together.  After a while more they decided get married.

I met her over a year ago.  I was drove up to visit them.  When I got to their apartment Joel had gone out for a few minutes so I met Anna for the first time and we just sat and talked.  Of course I was sizing her up, trying to figure out who she was and what she was like.  But we chatted about this and that.  I found her to be honest and direct and friendly.  She is round and pretty with peachy skin and dark blond hair.  She was not trying to size me up at all.  She just looked at me and there I was and that is it.  She is also funny and talkative.

Anna has her act together.   She got her degree then she got her Masters degree.  She helps kids at the Jewish Community Center and wants to go into the Peach Corp.  I think this is one of the reasons Joel was so attracted to her.  He has always had a hard time getting organized and staying on what he believes is track.

A few months ago Joel asked me if I would come to their wedding and help out.  Instead of a present they asked for a donation to the "Honeymoon in Costa Rica" fund.  They were pretty much arranging everything for the wedding themselves so all family and friends were invited to come and help get everything set up.

I took Friday off from work (after working over 40 hours in four days anyway) and drove up to North Carolina in a daze.  I tried to leave Atlanta early but it was drizzling rain so traffic was at a standstill.  It took me two hours to get out of town.  But the drive up was pleasant.

Now, here is the thing about this time of year in North Carolina in the Blue Ridge Mountains.  It is leaf season so multitudes of people head up that way to drive around and look at the beautiful colors of the changing leaves and hike or bike or whatever the hell they do. Thanks to Joel's urging I finally went on the web to book a room. The going rate was $160 per night.

Huh?  I don't have that kind of money.  So I looked at some of the more moderate motels and they were about the same price.  I wasn't expecting that.  I wound up booking a room at an Econolodge outside of town.  I don't normally like Econolodge because the are so cheap and usually not all that clean.  But this one was very comfortable and quiet.  It was only $80 a night with an internet discount.  HA!

So I got there on Friday night and finally found the wedding set up party. They were at the Jewish Community Center making sure everything was ready. The bride was kept separate taking care of all her bridely duties.  Joel said that he and I and Anna's cousin Lee would drive to a local Indian casino and gamble for just one hour and then drive back.

This was, technically, his bachelor party.  Joel's best man was his brother who just was not capable of organizing this sort of thing.  Joel loves his brother, but they are not very much alike.  He is not as outgoing as Joel and basically waits for people to tell him what to do.  He stayed with his family and we went gambling.

When we got to the casino we were all overwhelmed by the stench of cigarette smoke. It was amazing.  It was the smokiest place I have ever been including the time I stood next to a pit fire.

I got $20 in quarters for the slot machines.  Joel and Lee got some quarters, half dollars and dollar coins.  The Native Americans had to make a lot of concessions to get a casino built so this place is out in the middle of nowhere.  There is no alcohol served and, as far as we could see, no strip clubs of any sort.

I played the slot machines and quickly won about $20 in video poker so I felt I was on top of the world.  I was sitting next to Joel as he played a slot machine.  Suddenly I heard a "ding ding ding ding" sound.  When you win the machine makes that tone as it racks up your winning points.  And it kept going.  Lee asked Joel, "Did you win something?"  I looked over and Joel was just looking stunned and shaking his head.  He won $200.  It was great.  He was down to his last $5 and we were about to wrap it up and leave when suddenly some casino workers were pealing off twenties.

Then Lee said, "OK.  Now we have to go."  We all agreed.  And then we played a little more hoping to cash in on Joel's winning streak.  I walked away with an extra $9.50.  Lee lost about $10 and Joel was the big winner.  What a great omen for his wedding.  It was like a wedding present from the Universe.  Of course if we had not been there to make him leave he would have pissed it away immediately.  Or won several thousand more.  Who knows.

This is how gambling addictions start.

On the way back, it was around 1 am now, we stopped at Waffle House and ate.  It was about 3:30 when I finished up and got into bed.  The next day there was all sorts of things to haul to the Botanical Gardens where the wedding would be.  Yadda, yadda, yadda, long story short, that evening we assembled outside in a clearing.  Erected in the clearing was a, well, how do you spell it?  A Choupah (pronounced HOOP-AH) which is four poles with a canopy over it.  It represents the home, but just the frame of a home.  The Rabbi said during the ceremony that the couple should remember when they came together under the framework when love was enough and material things were least important.

The only lights were candles.  The whole thing was beautiful.  Two musicians with guitars played music.  There were about a 60 people there all sitting in chairs arranged so we could all see.  I have never been to a Jewish wedding before.   There was a basket of yarmulkes for the men.  I have always wanted one.

Anna was beautiful in her dress.  Joel was wearing a mourning coat.  They were illuminated by candles under the canopy.  The Rabbi sings all of the prayers.  It was touching and simply wonderful to witness this ceremony that reaches back thousands of years.   And when he spoke about the couple and their lives together his words seemed to bind them together mentally and spiritually just as you would wish from a wedding ceremony.  I honestly have never seen anything like it.

Because it happened at dusk by candlelight it had a magical quality.  It was moving.  The reception was nearby but it took a while for me to get there.  I had to quickly help move the chairs from the wedding site back to their home at a nearby school.  When I got to the reception I finally got to grab Anna and kiss her.  I had a good time.  Her Jewish family was a trip.

Her aunt and uncle and mother were so great.  They appreciated everything and all worked so hard and organized everything.  Her sister was incredible.  She calmly handled everything.  I loved her.  Joel's family was a little standoffish.  They are not very comfortable leaving their home and business.  Their business is a bakery.  So they provided the wedding cake and about six other desserts.

I could not stop eating those torts and cakes.  They were delicious.  I made a point to make a big deal about them to Joel's mother and sister.  I met a lot of great people this weekend.  I became reacquainted with an Atlanta family that Joel knows and they invited me to dinner when Joel and Anna are in town.

The next day we all had more to clean up and do.  I went back and helped out.  Then I ran an errand with Anna's nutty uncle Bob.  He has a very bad sense of direction and he was to guide me back to the store to return the tank of helium they rented for the balloons.  He made me turn around twice and then called his niece for directions on the cell phone.  I'm sure they are used to it.  He made her stay on the phone until we were practically at our destination.  Then we all headed downtown for what Joel called The Greek Festival for Jews.  And that is exactly what it was.  Coincidentally during their wedding weekend the Jewish community was having a festival downtown with Jewish food and music and kosher face painting for the kids.

Ok, I made up the part about the kosher face painting.  But I did have a knish.  I passed on the chopped liver.

I hung out with them for a while and then said my goodbye.  I didn't want to go.  I wanted to stay forever with them there.  But I had to come back to my life of work, work, work.  This whole weekend I kept thinking about how much help I could have provided to my friend if only I had not worn myself out by expending all of my energy at my job.

After resting and being with all these good people I was pretty energized by the time today came along.  Joel told me that he could not have done it without me.  I think he must meant that when he was starting to freak out he looked over at me and I looked calm and reassuring and it kept him from bursting into tears.  The truth is I was only there part of the time. I was a walking zombie when I got there and pretty much on autopilot.

I'm back home now.  I am so glad I went.  I feel really good about my friend and his wife.  They really wanted this and they were surrounded by such a supportive network of good people.  I know it has been hard for Anna because her mother is an alcoholic and for Joel because his family is fucked up beyond belief. But this is a new generation and they really have a lot going for them.  I expect they will be together for the rest of their lives.  I hope so.

Jimmy
 
 

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