2003-08-18 - 12:02 a.m.

Volunteering

It is a little after 11 o'clock and I really should be going to bed now.  But instead I will take a few minutes to update my journal.

I just got back from the theater.  I volunteered for a special event that the stalker woman put together.  She does these singles nights where they advertise in the paper and on radio and different places.  Single men and women buy tickets and get to see a show, get a drink and mix and flirt with other singles.  The event is hosted so everyone is forced to mingle.  I volunteered a few weeks ago.  That was back before the stalker woman asked me out on a date and I told her I would be out of town.  Ever since then she has been ignoring me.

Whew.

But tonight she interacted with me a few times.  But she is keeping it short and moving on.  I guess she is just mad at me because she is frustrated about hooking up with some guy and I am a guy but I won't hook up with her.

So I was put in charge of greeting people as they entered and helping them decide on a name for their nametags.  The idea was to pick the name of a sit com character.  It sounds stupid but this is just the sort of thing at awkward gatherings that is needed.  There was a mix of people there.  There were younger girls, older women, mostly mid 20's guys and a few much older guys.

Some of the people from my improv class were there.  Some were volunteers and some were just showing up for the show.  One of the guys, David, brought this really attractive woman with him. They used to date and it did not work out between them.  She was nice and I talked to her a lot.  She seemed to like me.  During our conversation she mentioned that she had a daughter in high school.  She must have been a teen mother because she did not look old enough to have a high school aged child.

My blood ran cold in my veins.  I could tell she wanted me to ask her out but I just couldn't do it.  I remember when I was younger I went out with a girl who had a kid.  "Went out with."  Yeah.  That sort of describes it.

Anyway, somehow I became sort of a pivot point for several women tonight.  Which is too bad because there were some real nice looking guys there who had showed up specifically to meet women so they should have concentrated their efforts there.

I was just there to help.  I wasn't on the make.

Quite frankly I am mystified as to how I became some datable guy.  I have never been older or more out of shape in my life.  I have never been so narrowly focused or more boring and distracted.  Go figure.

I think I was just a safe, friendly oasis among a sea of panicky guys.   Since I was not trying to put my best foot forward and attract the ladies I was able to make stupid jokes and say a lot of nonsense.  Not all the guys were panicky.  Some of the were pretty smooth.  But there were a few who just didn't look like they are used to being outside the house. God bless 'em, though.   There they were standing there awkwardly trying not to make eye contact.

It was fun.  The show was pretty funny.  Most of the regulars were not there.  Mostly it was second tier performers.  That was ok. Their worst show is still very good and very entertaining.

My former classmates want to keep in touch. I think that is a good idea. We all got along very well.  David wants to put together some gigs and get us all on stage some more.  I'm all for that.  He knows a few places that do comedy and has already talked to the owners.

The rest of my weekend was very nice.  I cleaned, sorted and organized my belongings.  I got rid of some old clothes and reorganized the stuff in my bedroom.  It has been driving me crazy for months, but I have not had time to do anything about it.  And when I did have time I would just lie still unable to function.

The house is still a mess, but I feel like I made some progress.

I have to go back to work tomorrow.  For a while I fanaticized that I would just not go.  What would happen if I just did not go to work, did not call, did not every explain it to them at all?  Hmm.  It is a nice fantasy.  But then there are the bills to pay.

I think what I would really like would be a job that pays about $50K/year and only requires 20 hours of work per week.

But where will I find such a job?

Any ideas?

Last night I had a dream that Selma Hyak wanted me to kiss her.  Every time we got close I would wake up.

The night before that I dreamed that I was in the bathroom at the old house where I grew up.  My brother was there, we were fixing the shower or something like that, and I saw a mouse.  It was a live mouse running across the floor.  When I looked closer at it I noticed it had round ears and a pointy nose and looked like a real life version of Mickey Mouse.  I was startled by it.  It ran up, somehow, to a shelf and was at eye level.  I asked my brother if he had ever seen anything like it.  Then the mouse turned and looked at me and smiled, just like Mickey in a cartoon.  I held my hand out and he crept out onto my fingers.  When I tried to pull him close he got scared and scurried away.

I wonder what the hell that means.

Jimmy
 

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