2003-08-05 - 11:20 p.m.

Physical

I had my first physical exam today.  Although I have scheduled one several times over the years this is the first time I have actually made it without canceling it.  For some reason every time I have made an appointment to see the doctor for once over something has come up and I had to cancel.  I came close to canceling it again.  We were short handed at work today.  I told the president of our company last week that I could cancel it but he insisted that I keep it, even if meant that Viarum had to man the phones alone.

So I didn't have to get up early because I didn't have a long drive to work.  I slept in, showered, drove the mile to my doctor's office, filled out a few forms and waited for a few minutes.

The nurse came and got me and gave me an eye exam. That was pretty upsetting. I could hardly read the chart.  They told me my vision is 20/25 and told me to get an eye exam with an optometrist.

She put me in the little examining room and checked my blood pressure.  As usual she told me that it was not high, just higher than normal and lower than high.  We talked a little about what my exam would be like.  She told me that she was going to prepare for "the worst" meaning a prostate exam but that the doctor would not necessarily have to do it.

Uh huh huh huh… "do it."  Uh huh..

Anyway.  I took off all my clothes and put on one of those undignified gowns that opens in the back.  I sat there for a while getting nervous.  The doctor came in and started the exam.  I really like this doctor.  He is in his 50's and just looks like a professional.  He was wearing one of those small pins on his lapel that said "Jesus is Lord" or something like that.

I have a Christian doctor.  Good for him.

I don't talk about this much, but I have a habit of praying about 50 times a day.   I asked for a blessing for this event out of reflex.  I think it stems from my habit of praying before I eat.  I started doing this so that I could acquire a genuine feeling of gratitude.  Sometimes it slops over into other areas.  Like when I have to wait in line at a store and start to get mad because everyone in front of me is so slow.  I don't pray that the line will move faster, just that all of us who came together for this event will receive a blessing for it.

The doctor checked me out, looked me over, tested my reflexes, prodded me and looked at the small spots I have been worried about.  You know, moles and freckles that show up out of nowhere.  He told me I was fine, nothing to worry about.  We talked about my shoulder.  It pops when I move it around and stopped using certain equipment when I work out because it hurts.  He assured me there was nothing bad wrong with me and to try modifying the exercise until I can build the strength back up in the muscles.

And he felt up my testicles.  Keep in mind, I have never had this exam done before (probably not since I was a small child anyway).   So when he knelt in front of me and started examining my balls I just wanted it to be over.  He asked me to turn my head and cough.  I did.   It was over.

The weirdest thing was, I don't remember much about that part of the exam.  I have a more vivid memory of his checking my reflexes by hitting my knee with a small rubber hammer.  I just blotted out all the rest.

I have an amazing capacity to forget anything I find unpleasant.

He did not feel the prostate exam was necessary.  Whew.  I was not looking forward to that.  I am not yet 40 and he said he starts checking after 40 or later.  I have no family history of prostate trouble that I know of.

Everything looked fine.  He sent me off for blood test and urine test and ordered a take home stool sample test.  Oh well. Apparently they test for blood in the feces to make sure the intestines are working properly.
 

Another nurse took my blood samples.  She was very good.  She got my veins ready, stuck a needle in my arm and drew my blood into small vials.  I told her it was amazing how the blood flows in.  She nodded and, as she stuck another vial under the faucet that is my arm she said, "I know.  It's a wonder any of us are normal."

I knew what she meant.  She pulls blood from people for a living.  She gave me a small kit for collecting my feces samples.  She explained that I need to diet for so long, take the samples over several days, the need to be careful, etc.  The whole time she was describing how I was going to play with my shit for science to me she had that look on her face, that "I know this is disgusting but you really need to do it" look.  When she handed the kit over to me I said, "No. That's fine. It looks like I'll have a whole new hobby." And she just burst into laughter.

I liked this woman.

I gave a urine sample.  I have raved about giving freekin urine samples before.  I'm getting use to it, though.

I drove into work and tried to get some stuff done.  I was not able to really get into it.

I had to stay a little late to finish a call.

Jimmy
 
 

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