2003-06-15 - 10:39 p.m.

Life With Father

And today was Father's Day.  Several times during the week I thought of calling my father and telling him that my sister and I were coming to see him.  But I never did call.  I just couldn't get up any enthusiasm for it.  Since he drinks all day it is hard to catch him sober.  Usually my sister, April, and I just show up at his house.

Last night he called while I was out and told my sister that if we shouldn't come and see him since he would not be home.  He and my brother go skeet shooting on Sundays.  My sister did not let him weasel out of it, though.  She asked him when he was leaving.  He said about 2:30.  So she told him we would be there before that.

I could not think of anything good to give him.  I never can.  He doesn't do anything and there is no way on this earth I would buy him booze.   So I got him some reading glasses at the drug store and a crossword puzzle book.  He actually does doe crossword puzzles.  And he is very good at them.  He can tell you a six letter word for amphibious spice rack but he does not remember birthdays or the age of his grandchildren.

We got to his little hovel of a house around noon.  He was already up.  Poor old man, sitting there alone in his tiny, dirty, disintegrating house.  We sat and talked to him for a while.  We watched television.  Then we walked out to the back field to look at the corn my brother had planted.

Everything is so green at my father's place.  It has been raining so much this season the grass is growing like crazy, the trees are lush, the day lily's are "puttin' out like crazy" as we say here in the South.  And that means they are blooming in profusion.   We walked across the yard, back behind the old barn and up to the field behind my brother's trailer.  When I was a kid my grandmother would lease the land out to farmers and they would grow soybeans there, or sometimes watermelons.

Then we walked back to the front garden where my brother has planted beans, okra, peppers, and some other stuff.  My brother came out to meet up with us by then.  He has a lot of gray hair, but he is in pretty good shape for his age.  Especially considering he smokes all day long.  My father is looking really old.

Then we all walked up to the house where my uncle and cousin used to live. It is right next door.  My brother wanted to get some of the dead bugs out of the pool.  This is the house that my uncle spent all of the money on.  The money he got when my aunt was killed tragically in a car accident.  It was about a million dollars.

My uncle is now working as a night security guard at a hospital having wasted all of the money in less than two years.  My brother bought their house from them so they would no lose it.  They never paid him rent so he had to kick them out.

We walked around some more, looked at the trees and other plants.  Then we sat on the front porch in the rockers, as Southerners do.  My sister and I took my father to lunch, even though he was not hungry.  He sort of picked at his food.  Tore it all to pieces with his shaking, fumbling hands is what he did.  My father's hands have been shaking for decades.   Not that he would go to the doctor, but probably Parkinson's Syndrome is the reason.

I find, as I get older, I am losing my motor skills too.  I don't know if whatever he has is hereditary, but maybe I will find out when I get my annual checkup in August.

I wonder if I will get to the doctor.  Every time I schedule a physical I change jobs, change insurance companies or have to change doctors.

After eating we went by to Pop's house and sat around watching television as I got sleepier and sleepier.  My father asked my brother if they were going skeet shooting and he said no as he walked away.  So my father was stuck with me and my sister.

I am pretty sure his feelings are hurt because we don't spend much time with him.  We made it very clear a few years ago that as long as he is drinking we could not be around him.  I know he is lonely and depressed and he misses his family and is drinking himself to an early grave, but all of these things could have been avoided if only he had been paying attention for the past 70 years.

If he had been paying attention he would have noticed that his father and most of his uncles had drinking problems.  That all of his health problems stemmed from his drinking. That he had a great wife and three great kids who love him and always just wanted to be with him.  He would have noticed that we all get along well and care about each other and encourage each other and all of us believe family is extremely important.

Instead he isolated himself and let his life just meander until it all fell apart.  I sat there looking at him and trying to understand that this was my father.  He is my father.  This is the man who is responsible for my being alive.

He asked us a few questions.  Are we still working wherever it is we were working?  (Yes.)  How is my sister's cat?  (It died about 4 years ago.)  How is our nephew. (Fine.)  Is he working anywhere? (No.)  Is our niece still living with her boyfriend? (Yes.)  Did we meet him?  (Yes.  He was quiet.)

To his credit, my father had a minimum of racist comments.  He started on a thing about immigrants ruining the country but he sort of lost interest in it about half way through and stopped talking about it.  It takes a lot of energy to hold on to hate.

Oh, speaking of hate, last night I was in a store, Lowes Home Center (it's like Home Depot) and who should I see but fuckin' Bob Barr.  I turned the corner and there he was, former Congressman Bob Barr, one of the most conservative conservatives of all time.  He is so right wing that on certain issues he comes all the way around to the other end.

I have hated this man for years, back when he was District Attorney for Atlanta and he would pop up on in front of the news cameras 5 times a week.  He won his Congressional seat by butchering his opponent with personal attacks.  He is the lowest of the low.  I was so happy when he was defeated in the last election.  And here he was. Right in front of me. A private citizen.

For a moment I considered yelling at him like Homer Simpson, "Bob Barr?  You STINK!"  But then I figured I would not like it if someone did that to me.  That is the main difference between conservatives and liberals. Liberals take that extra moment and search for the humanity in the other person and that keeps us from being mean.  Usually.

So we sat around with my father for a while and then we went over to visit my mother for a little while.  Just sitting there with her makes me feel so much better.  She is so great.  We sat outside for a while but it started raining again.  Sweet, blessed rain.  It poured down in a soft, drenching shower.

We stayed for about an hour and then headed back home.  All day long I have had the feeling that something is really wrong somewhere.  "Something's not right," I keep hearing in my head.  I don't know what it is.  I have a feeling I will find out soon.

Whatever it is I hope it's not bad.

Jimmy
 
 
 
 
 

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