2003-02-24 - 9:39 p.m.

Am I Ok?

All day long it was, "Are you alright?"  and "What's wrong?" and "I don't like it when Usual is in a bad mood."  I just didn't have the strength for it.  And when I am not up for it there is nothing I can do about it.  I am terribly sorry for everyone who has to endure the low energy Jimmy Usual.  It seems to really upset everyone. There were a couple of times today when I started to fake feeling good just so they would shut up about it.  But, as I mentioned above, I just did not have the strength.

I was very tired when I woke up this morning at 5:30.  When I got to work I had a feeling of dread and impending doom.  I could not shake it all day long.  I was tired, my throat hurt, I had too much to do and none of it was anything interesting.  It has happened again.  I have burned out in my job and I still have work to do.  I did it in my last job, too.  I think I have formed a habit.  I stay too long in the wrong place.

Nothing really bad happened today.  It was busy and I had to just ignore a big chunk of work in order to meet a deadline tomorrow.  I will be behind all week, I am sure.  I don't know. It is hard to think very far ahead.

So poor Kevin and David kept asking me if I was ok.  I told them I'm just tired, which is the truth.  I told them I did not feel well, which is also true.  When a normally happy person is not happy it throws off the entire balance of the workplace. All I could do was observe it was happening, unable to change it in any way.

The new new guy, I don’t think I have named him yet, I'll call him Viarum and I had a talk today bout past lives.  As soon as I met him I knew I knew him.  I told him, "I know we have never met, but it is good to see you again."  And I meant it.  He nodded.  He knows.  He understands.  We were brothers.

Although I do not know him very well, we seem to have a mutual admiration for each other.  Although he was born in India and grew up in Africa, we speak the same language. And, we both believe in similar mumbo jumbo.  I had been debating whether or not to tell him I recognize him.  It is more interesting than life changing.  I don't think our paths will intersect much longer.

Nice guy, though.  He's been through a lot. I wish I had more time to talk to him during the day, but lately it has been work, work, work.

The sales guy, my new boss, was pretty unobtrusive today.  I still can't tell if he is just so busy he doesn't have time to micromanage, or if he is laying a trap.  I should really stop thinking about it.  I know I will come out on top in the end.  It has been predicted!  Or at least dreamed about.  Wantcarvel.

Last night I went to see a comedy show at the theater where I take my class.  I had a great time. It was so much fun.  There were about 12 improv actors on stage competing for supremacy.  They were so fast and they just went for it every time.  They just kept it up for two hours.  I realized I have so very much to learn.  And seeing what I am learning in context was very valuable. Now I know where we are heading.

My instructor was on stage.  He is a very aggressive player.  In class he is so laid back and gentle.  On stage he has a presence and just takes control.  Now I realize he is holding back in class so he will not frighten us, I guess.

I am completely hooked on this. I want to be so good I can be up there with them and compete. This comedy scene in town, not the stand up comedy, but the theatrical comedy, is a small circle. None of them are famous.  Looks like they all do regular jobs during the day, some more creative than others.

The people I have met so far are extremely nice and very open. I got the feeling that a lot of the people in the audience had been there before.  They were loud and spirited.  As soon as the show started they were shouting and talking back.  It has always struck me as odd when audience members feel that their comments are integral to a live performance.  It did not phase the performers a bit.

Ok.  I have a few diaries to read and I really need to do a little more job searching, if for no other reason than to make me feel better.

Jimmy
 
 
 
 
 

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