2003-01-06 - 11:17 p.m.

I Just Haven't Felt Like It

It has been a very busy time for me and I just have not felt like sitting down and writing an entry.  I have avoided my computer for a while.  Let is rest.  So, what was the last thing I wrote?  I think it was before New Year's Eve.

I got off work early on New Year's Eve, ate lunch then drove to College Town to be with my friends.

Mike, Ed, and Kay and I sat around and talked for a while.  Then we had dinner and talked some more.  It is so nice to have everyone in one room together for a change.  We get together so seldom these days.  Kay was kind of a pill. She is really losing it lately.  I think the combination of no job, no money, stress, living with her parents and being unhappy with her weigh and having no romantic life is taking its toll.  Some of the things she says are downright nutty.

As a matter of fact, she said something during dinner that made me think, "This is the difference between her and the rest of us."

It was like this. We were sitting in a booth, Kay and me on one side and Mike and Ed on the other.  Mike makes some comment about how good I look.  This sort of catches me off guard because I thought I was wearing the clothes I wore to work and felt a little underdressed for the forthcoming party.  So Mike explains that whatever I was doing was working, the clothes, the beard, the haircut (my hair is not so short now).  Ed agreed with him and said he wished his beard would grow out like mine.  Suddenly the focus was on me and the way I look.  My first instinct was to argue with them and tell them they were wrong, but I didn't do that.

Then Kay says, "Wow!  I think they want something!"

And I said, "Yes.  I think they want me."

Ha ha.  I am a comedy genius, that is true. But then I realized that the flattery they were giving me was completely sincere.  The guys do not bother giving praise where none is due.  But Kay saw it from her perspective, they were saying something nice so they must be leading up to asking me for some sort of favor.  That is exactly whey she would do. I have seen her do it before.  She has done it to me before.  I felt bad for her.

You know how when you reach a certain age some of the fantastic, romantic notions our your youth are proven to be unreal?  I think it happens to most of us.  We all have ideals and we try to operate according to those ideals and for some reason we keep failing.  Finally we realize the premise we were working on was false and we learn better and become wiser and grow up just a little more.  Well, I don't think Kay is going to do that.  She had a few really, really bad turns over the past few years.  The man she loved and fantasized about for years turned out to be a slimy jerk.  She met him just before he got married to a horrible woman and for over five years she kept thinking about different scenarios where they would be together living the life she had always wanted.

Finally he showed himself to be a deeply flawed and troubled man and she just did not deal with it very well.  She has always had her own agenda and has always worked very hard to push it through in every situation.  This has never really served her very well.  It makes her manipulative and people can sense it a mile away.

Recently it has dawned on me how interrelated all of these events have been in her life.  She is starting to act crazy and I think I understand why.

Anyway, we had dinner, and later we went over to Mike's cousin's house for a party.  There was a lot of good food there and Mike had the music going the entire time.  There were people there I did not know, but I talked to them anyway.  They were all nice.  It was not a big group.  Maybe 20 people or so.  No one there to hit on, though.  It was pretty sedate, but fun.

We counted down to midnight and I found myself standing off to the side watching the crowd and they cheered and hugged and kissed each other.  I suddenly became aware that I was not exactly where I wanted to be.  A lot of thoughts passed through my mind very quickly.  It had been a very interesting year.

Then I waded in and hugged everyone I could get my arms around.

We all stayed for a few hours and then drifted away and the party dissipated.  I had taken a room in a hotel near downtown.  I said goodbye to my friends and promised to meet them the next morning.  Ed and Kay were staying at Mike's.  That was not for me.  He has a very, very, very small apartment and I am too old to sleep on a blanket on the floor.

I had a nice room.  I fell asleep quickly.  I had been up since 6 a.m. and it was after 2 in the morning.  The next morning I called and told them I was coming over.  I drove around downtown to look at my old stomping grounds.  It has changed some since I was there.  It is nicer now.

We had an early lunch and then went back to Mike's to talk some more.  We looked at Mike's photographs.  He is a very talented photographer and is currently trying to sell himself to a gallery or an agent or to anybody who can advance him.  He told me he is going to work this year on pulling himself together.  He said, for the first time to me, that he realizes he is an artist and the job he has at the university is not his real vocation.  I know what he means.  That really struck a chord with me.  I have been working so hard at my job that I have get easily distracted into thinking that that is what I really do.  It's time to move away from that.

I spent New Year's Day with my friends.  When I got home later that evening I called my mother.  I like to see her on New Year's Day. It is a family tradition that I missed this year.  Here in the South it is customary to eat a special meal for good luck and prosperity.  It is black eyed peas and greens (turnip greens or collard greens).  The greens represent dollars and the peas represent coins.  Of course, the rest of the meal is just as important, a beef roast or ham, potatoes, cornbread, cold salads whatever else mom sees fit to cook.

I knew I would be up late and would not be able to get down to her house before dinner, so I spoke to her on the phone instead.  We chitchatted for a while and I went to sleep early.

The next day at work all three of us, Kevin, Ben and I were all crawling out of our skins because there was NOTHING going on at work.  We could have taken the day off, but no, my boss insisted we be there.  Where is he now?  He quit.  He wasn't there.  I sent them home and I stayed till 5:30.

The next day was Friday.  It was really busy that day.  But I left on time because Mike was brining Ed over to my house to dump him off.  Ed was leaving the next day back to LA and I would be taking him to the airport.

Friday night Mike, Ed, Kay, my sister April and I went to dinner at Kay's favorite restaurant.  She was so happy to be there.  I mean Kay was thrilled!  We were at her absolute favorite place in the world.  The rest of us were not as impressed.  But think this was a place she used to go to when she was in high school 20 years ago.  She just doesn't let go of things like that.

And it was fine.  We all got something we liked.  And we talked and joked.  My sister and I always look forward to the Ed After Christmas Dinner.  Usually he is just hilarious and makes us all laugh so hard.  He is a Southern Gentleman living in Los Angeles and working in the B Movie industry.  So he always has incredibly funny stories to tell. Also, he is dyslexic and has a memory like swiss cheese and he just struggles to get though the simplest anecdotes.  He is a great guy and has been my good friend since 1984.

I think he is thinking of finding a paying job in a college theater department somewhere here in the east.  He hates his job and is getting ready for a change.

He stayed over at my place on Friday night and the next morning I drove him to the airport.  We didn't get to spend a lot of time together because he bypassed our city on the way in and went directly to his hometown in South Georgia to spend Christmas with his elderly mother who just worries and worries about her son Ed.  "You just know he isn't eatin' right out there!"

I was sorry to see Ed go.  But he has to get back to work, as do we all.

On Sunday I just stayed in the house all day.  It was great.  Nowhere to go, no place to be.  My sister went out for a few hours so I had some quiet time here with just Petey and me.  I watched the dvd of Spiderman my mother gave me. And I watched the dvd of The Rutles my aunt gave me.

The Rutles All You Need Is Cash, is still very funny, even after 25 years.  I love those songs.

I am completely enthralled with the book I am reading, Live From New York.  I hate to put it down.  I wish I were reading it right now.  But I have to get to bed now.

Oh!  I almost forgot. I work with a bunch of very competitive men.  The latest contest is a weight loss race.  There are 10 of us, the entry fee is $25 and we have eight weeks lose weight.  The one who loses the most wins.

I was very skeptical of this contest.  It seems that the fattest one has the best chance of winning.  They debated it every which way.  Most pounds lost, highest percentage of weight loss, greatest change in body mass index.  I work with a lot of computer nerds who are also sports fanatics and they have to have it all planned out before they start.  I think this was Tommy's idea.  He has been talking about it for a while.  Finally some other guys joined in, now we are all committed to the contest.  I figure I will have to lose more than 25 lbs. to ensure a win.

I don't know if it is possible.  I weighed in at 217 lbs.  That seems like a lot, but I think I have weighed more a few months ago.

We all weighed in the kitchen and Tommy took down everyone's stats.  Then it was lunchtime.  All the guys made a big deal about what they were going to eat and from now it is only healthy food and on and on.  After lunch everyone was hungry and grouchy and Tommy went out and bought a sandwich, though he had eaten lunch an hour earlier.

I ate my normal lunch.  I am not very reactionary.  I need to formulate a plan before I run out and eat a bunch of sprouts and drink diet coke.

I was at work late tonight.  It was my turn.  My new boss came in and I met him.  He seems like a nice guy.  My gut instinct tells me that I am going to get along well with him.

Ok. That's it.  Time to go.

I'll try to update again tomorrow.  But I don't know for sure if I'll have time.

Jimmy
 
 

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