2002-12-30 - 11:30 p.m.

2002 The Year In Review

As this year comes to a close I can't help but look back and try to make some sense of it all.  There is just one day left before the rest of my life.  I'm glad I kept a diary because I can hardly remember any of the specifics.  It would be a real shame if something happened to it and The Jimmy Usual Project was deleted.

In January I had a very brief interlude with a woman I hardly remember.  In February I turned 38 years old.  In March Joleen contacted me and we reconnected.  As a result, in April I began keeping a diary here at Diaryland.  In May I don't remember anything special happening.  In June I started running again.  In July I got to enjoy my favorite holiday.  In August I joined a gym.  In September … nothing.  In October I played softball for the first time since middle school.  In November I suffered depression after the election.  Then Thanksgiving came along to pep me up again.  Then December swept in and ruined everything with its finality.

One thing I noticed is that I look older now.  When I look in the mirror I see more lines in my face, less hair on my head.  More gray hair.  I move slower now.  I never thought that day would come.  The day when I watch my step, or get winded by walking up stairs.

My change was not all physical.  I noticed over the course of the year that my outlook was changing.  Some things that were very important to me at the beginning of the year sort of lost their appeal.  I guess I am getting older.  I feel calmer now.  I don't feel so panicky that I am missing something important.  And I finally feel I am getting closer and closer to that thing I have been waiting my entire life for.

What is it?  I hope to find out in 2003.

On New Year's eve 2002 I went out to a movie with my friend Dorothy and her daughter Blythe.  We saw The Royal Tennenbaums.  It was freezing cold outside.  We sat in the car in the parking lot until midnight.  We rang in the new year together, all of us vowing it was going to be better.  Guess what.  It was!  This year all three of us did much better.  I made more money and did more stuff and went more places than I had in a long time.  Dorothy got the legal settlements she had been waiting for and got along with her family better.  Blythe went to Harvard Drama School, United Nations Student Government and was accepted to her chosen college.

Goodbye, 2002.  Thanks for lasting the full 365 days.  Hello 2003.  I will meet the new year with my friends. Different friends this time.  I hope this is a good omen for all of us.  We all could use a good year.

I'm looking forward to it.  Usually at this point I say good riddance to the old year.  But this year I don't feel that way.  It was a good year.  I didn't get everything I wanted but, as Stephen Wright would say, "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"

I know 2003 is doing to be much different from all of the recent years.  I have a strong feeling that I am going to lose someone important to me.  I don't know who it is and I hope I am wrong.  But I'm usually right about this sort of thing.  It is an awful feeling knowing before hand, but I am getting used to it.  Sort of.

So Happy New Year every one.  Good luck. Good everything.

Jimmy
 
 

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