2002-12-19 - 10:02 p.m.

When Will I Learn?

It was very hard to care about work today.  I goofed off as much as possible, and that wasn't much.  I love it when our clients are too busy with their real lives to call us and complain.  Our product seems to work better when our clients don't fret over it.  Kevin is on vacation for the rest of the week so I won't see him until after Christmas.  David is on vacation starting tomorrow and I won't see him until after the New Year.

I was talking to Tommy today and I actually made him blush.  I didn't think it was possible.  He was in our office trying to make some insulting joke about Ben and me going on a date, and I said to him, "Tommy, you know a lot of gay guys.  Why can't you find a guy who will give you the gay sex you are so curious about?  Or, maybe you already have.  I'm sorry if I presumed that you had not.  I really shouldn't judge."

I looked up at him and he was blushing.  It surprised me.  He tried to make a joke but just sort of stammered.  Then he left the room.

This is the problem with being me.  I don't realize just how my opinion matters to some people until I have said the wrong thing.  Tommy and Kevin and some of the other guys at work actually care about what I say.  That is hard for me to understand.  We are all joking and insulting each other and suddenly I bite a little too deeply and it hurts their feelings.

At this point I really should know that when I am tired like I am now, I should not talk at all.  Every single time I go through one of these phases where I am running on a sleep deficit and exhausted I wind up saying something that either hurts someone or gets me in deep trouble.  But one of the symptoms of being too tired to think properly is not remembering important things like keeping my mouth shut.

When will I learn?

Jimmy
 

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